a decade.

today would have been your 11th birthday.

your last birthday was very special. somewhere deep in my soul i knew our time with you was drawing to a close, your eyes were so tired. we spoiled you good, i'm pretty sure you ate your weight in treats that day. you even humored me by wearing the crown i made you, and put up with me taking way too many photos.

i miss you my sweet girl. i wish you were here celebrating your 11th birthday, ten years wasn't long enough. 

the walk of shame.

today at my usual weekly pain clinic appointment (it'll take a whole separate post to explain that) i, erin engler, was subject to a drug test. oh yes.
when i entered the doctor's office i was handed one of those sterile urine specimen cups in a brown paper bag and given very clear instructions how to use said container. i'm pretty sure my face turned every shade of red in the colour spectrum.
at that precise moment, everyone in the waiting room became very interested in what was going on and watched as i did the walk of shame down the hall to the washroom.

having urinalysis tests done are second nature to my bi-annual blood work, blindly searching for a hint as to what is wrong with me. i'm not embarrassed by routine tests, at this point i've been poked and prodded so much it takes a lot to make me uncomfortable. but being asked to tinkle in a cup for a 'routine' drug test is up there in the realm of 'oh no you di'int!'

i'm choosing to believe it was routine, that the size of my pupils aren't an indicator of secretly consuming illicit substances to numb my pain.

with my luck, there will be a false-positive...

HRH

those who follow me on facebook already have seen my most recent news...introducing HRH licorice nibs engler, or 'nibs' for short.

it's coming up on a year since we said goodbye to our reese. it's been a horrible year, i couldn't have been prepared for how much her absence would affect me.
there have been many changes this past year, and i haven't been dealing well with them. i'm tired, i'm discouraged and heart broken.

i've needed something to look forward to, a new joy in my life. after much soul searching i felt like i might be ready to adopt a new bunny. we've had foster bunnies since reese passed away, but the decision to personally adopt a new pet after a loss isn't easy.

thanks to the wonderful website called petfinder, all different types of animals up for adoption through rescues and shelters are listed on this database, refined by distance, age, breed, gender, etc. that's where i found my nibs. i had applied to adopt two bunnies previously from the same organization only to discover as they were approving my application, the rabbits had been adopted.

christmas eve, nibs (previously named ella) was listed and i frantically sent emails to the adoption team hoping nibs could say she had a forever home for christmas.
finally after waiting a few days i heard that she was going to be ours! it was what i imagine getting prepared for a new baby would be like, although on a lesser scale. her pen had to be set up, new supplies had to be bought and furniture moved around. you see, rabbits don't need to spend their entire lives confined to a cage. they can be litter trained and roam freely in the house like a cat as long as those delicious cords are tucked away. in fact, a cage free rabbit is a much happier rabbit and as a pet parent, you want your pet to be happy.

january 4th chris and i drove a good distance to pick up our nibs. she is so sweet and very mellow. most rabbits loathe being in the car, but nibs was stretched out in her carrier happy to be munching on her hay all the way home.

i'm looking forward to our life with nibs and getting to see what type of personality she has!

a new year.

happy new year from our house to yours! we celebrated with some yummy chinese food, champagne, movies and a good friend.

the champagne uncorking proved to be difficult. it was hard not to laugh while filming. the logic was if we opened the bottle outside, there was less chance of injuring ourselves with a stray cork. trust me, if we had opened it inside it would have hit me in the face. then it would proceed to bounce off all the windows breaking them as it went on a path of destruction. i'm just that lucky.

i hope this year will be better for all those that had a hard time in 2013. i'm looking forward to a year of new memories, my sisters wedding, and so much more!

love to you all.

twinkle, twinkle little fail.

today i started my christmas baking. every year i gather recipes in the hopes i have enough energy and christmas spirit to actually make some. since we have both sides of the family coming to our house this year, i had to step up my game.

aaaand, this is my game.

to be fair, this is the first time i've used star cookie cutters and i'm not impressed. even before i put them in the oven they resembled a deformed version of patrick the starfish from sponge bob square pants.

now, i'm assuming some sort of trimming goes on for pinterest worthy star cookies. seriously, how does one get such perfectly pointed points?

i guess what matters is that they taste good and i didn't burn them. hopefully once they are decorated they'll look a little better. rolled cookies and i don't mix.

thankful.

this morning i woke up nice and early, had a tasty cup of tea and thought 'i'm going to go for a walk while the sun is kind of shining.'

suited up with my gloves, hat and tunes i headed out the door on a mission.

halfway around the block i knew i was in trouble. i started stumbling like a drunk, my legs were seizing up. the pain began and it was excruciating. with tears in my eyes, i turned around and very slowly started back home. i know i was weaving all over the road, dragging my left foot because it felt like it was cased in cement. i hadn't gone very far but i swear it was like a marathon from hell, every step i took my front door moved farther and farther away.
i was crying now, frustrated and discouraged that at 32 i couldn't even make it around the block.
i could see my house, down that hill, i was praying hard that wouldn't fall on my face. it was just a little bit more to go, keep moving. left foot forward, right foot forward. in between sobbing and reminding my self to breathe, i started humming chariots of fire. (cue canned laughter)

i made it home. fell in the front door and laid there screaming and crying. as the pain started to lessen i began to feel thankful. thankful that i could walk half way around the block, it wasn't far, but i did it. thankful for the ability to walk, for my defunct arms and legs that have a mind of their own. thankful that i'm thankful, that my heart hasn't become hardened by this world or by the life i've been given.

i picked myself up off the floor and went to hug a bunny.

then i found this gem:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwzjlmBLfrQ

cone of shame.

i was at petsmart today and walked past a lady trying on e-collars. yes.

picture for those who have no idea what i'm talking about:

i stood and watched her for a few minutes because it was truly entertaining and intriguing.

i was tempted to ask her if she keeps pulling out her stitches...